Please Explain Britney Spears

What the hell is wrong with pop music? I turned on Good Morning America today and they had an Britney Spears “expert” talking about how Britney was now reformed and making a comeback. He was explaining that on the outside Britney was demonstrating a new maturity, which I imagine was code for she hasn’t gotten out of any cars lately without nickers on. Cut to commercial, back with a bit on Emeril making popcorn rice crispy treats, then onto Britney. The twisted fake blonde emerges onto a Circus-themed stage (complete with jugglers and stilted-walkers) at 8:30 am on a Tuesday morning to preform her new single “Womanizer.” Scantily clad, shaking it for a plaza full of tourists, the Mother of two does not exactly express a sense of “new maturity.”

The disturbing part is not the worship of this broken soul. My angst comes from the elaborate and desperate stage shows that have seemingly become a crucial ingredient in the pop music formula. A circus?! We’ve all seen the terrible marching band aesthetic of My Chemical Romance…we’ve witnessed another circus theme by the horrible Panic and the Disco…Moulin Rouge has become a go-to touchstone on par with “make it bling.” It seems to be common practice to utilize a random old-timey stage show as a distraction from the horrible music being projected.

Of course it is entirely a marketing tool to fill the mid-west stadium shows. The side show serves to entertain the sad saps that fork out 50 bucks for a Britney ticket and find themselves a half a mile from the singer with no human forms recognizable on the far-off stage. Phew!

Regardless, my only plea is for these “musicians” to actually choose a subject for the surrounding stage that reflects in some form the sounds that they produce. Though of course that may be the problem, as presumably fans would be less amused by a show with twirling bottles of Boone’s Farm and breakdancing “Low Balance” bank statements. Or worse, an “industry” themed stage show complete with a chorus of expensive producers and dancing hired song-writers.

I don’t know. Things seem pretty strange. You know, the stage show has been around forever- Pink Floyd and countless others found lazers and smoke machines to work just fine, perhaps that is a good starting point. But I may be assuming too much. Perhaps Britney’s circus theme does reflect her process in creating the latest album. She may have been really inspired by a trip to Barnum and Baileys. I can see the interview now:

Well, I was hanging around the lion cage, practicing tight rope walking, when I thought, hey y’all, these Clowns have a real story to tell. I’ll devote my next record to it.